Our newest crimes: Trespassing, Failure to Appear and Espionage, in every format.
Newly Booked
-
Failure to Appear Scented Candle
Notes: Cardamom, Orange Peel, Musk, Amber, Palm, Sea Salt Suspect Description: Defendant phoned the clerk at 8:55 a.m. to say they were “five minutes away.” That was in March. For anyone who would rather be at the beach, and a gift for criminal defense lawyers and bail bondsmen. Hand-poured in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting burn that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. The details 100% American-grown soy wax with a cotton wick Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Burn time: 3 oz ~18 hrs · 6.5 oz ~40 hrs · 11 oz ~70 hrs
$8.00 - $24.00
-
Espionage Scented Candle
Notes: Rose, Magnolia, Bergamot, Jasmine, Mahogany, Bamboo Suspect Description: Suspect can neither confirm nor deny being present at the scene, owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, or having a name. Officers noted when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well. For anyone who loves a lush floral scent, and a gift for national security lawyers and anyone who can keep a secret. Hand-poured in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting burn that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. The details 100% American-grown soy wax with a cotton wick Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Burn time: 3 oz ~18 hrs · 6.5 oz ~40 hrs · 11 oz ~70 hrs
$8.00 - $24.00
-
Trespassing Scented Candle
Notes: Cypress, Lemon Peel, Evergreen, Cedar, Fir, Moss, Amber Suspect Description: Suspect was found building a treehouse on land he does not own, in a tree he does not own, with lumber he would prefer not to discuss. For anyone who loves the smell of an evergreen forest, and a gift for property lawyers and hikers. Hand-poured in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting burn that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. The details 100% American-grown soy wax with a cotton wick Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Burn time: 3 oz ~18 hrs · 6.5 oz ~40 hrs · 11 oz ~70 hrs
$8.00 - $24.00
-
Failure to Appear Soap Bar
Notes: Cardamom, Orange Peel, Musk, Amber, Palm, Sea Salt Suspect Description: Defendant phoned the clerk at 8:55 a.m. to say they were “five minutes away.” That was in March. For anyone who loves a warm, sun-soaked beach scent, and a gift for defense attorneys, court clerks, bailiffs and bail bondsmen. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural oatmeal and restorative shea butter, this soap invites you to indulge in a little mischief. Contains suspended oatmeal that exfoliates the skin plus the skin-loving properties of shea butter. Soap base ingredient list and safety data sheet (PDF): Stephenson Crystal Natural White soap base
$6.00
-
Failure to Appear Room and Fabric Spray
Notes: Cardamom, Orange Peel, Musk, Amber, Palm, Sea Salt Suspect Description: Defendant phoned the clerk at 8:55 a.m. to say they were “five minutes away.” That was in March. For anyone who loves a warm, sun-soaked beach scent, and a gift for defense attorneys, court clerks, bailiffs and bail bondsmen. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural, biodegradable ingredients, this room and fabric spray invites you to freshen up your space, linens, upholstery and clothing and indulge in a little mischief. Spot-test delicate fabrics first.
$8.00 - $14.00
-
Trespassing Room and Fabric Spray
Notes: Cypress, Lemon Peel, Evergreen, Cedar, Fir, Moss, Amber Suspect Description: Suspect was found building a treehouse on land he does not own, in a tree he does not own, with lumber he would prefer not to discuss. For anyone who loves the smell of an evergreen forest, and a gift for property lawyers and hikers. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural, biodegradable ingredients, this room and fabric spray invites you to freshen up your space, linens, upholstery and clothing and indulge in a little mischief. Spot-test delicate fabrics first.
$8.00 - $14.00
-
Failure to Appear Aloe & Shea Lotion
Notes: Cardamom, Orange Peel, Musk, Amber, Palm, Sea Salt Suspect Description: Defendant phoned the clerk at 8:55 a.m. to say they were “five minutes away.” That was in March. For anyone who loves a warm, sun-soaked beach scent, and a gift for defense attorneys, court clerks, bailiffs and bail bondsmen. Our lotions include a blend of natural oils, butters, and vitamins like Safflower Oil, Shea Butter, Vitamins A, C, and E. Treat your skin to this indulgent lotion designed to replenish, moisturize and restore.
$12.00
-
Espionage Soap Bar
Notes: Rose, Magnolia, Bergamot, Jasmine, Mahogany, Bamboo Suspect Description: Suspect can neither confirm nor deny being present at the scene, owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, or having a name. Officers noted when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well. For anyone who loves a fresh rose and jasmine floral, and a gift for federal agents, intelligence analysts, national security lawyers and spy-novel fans. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural oatmeal and restorative shea butter, this soap invites you to indulge in a little mischief. Contains suspended oatmeal that exfoliates the skin plus the skin-loving properties of shea butter. Soap base ingredient list and safety data sheet (PDF): Stephenson Crystal Natural White soap base
$6.00
-
Failure to Appear 6pc Wax Melt
Notes: Cardamom, Orange Peel, Musk, Amber, Palm, Sea Salt Suspect Description: Defendant phoned the clerk at 8:55 a.m. to say they were “five minutes away.” That was in March. For anyone who loves a warm, sun-soaked beach scent, and a gift for defense attorneys, court clerks, bailiffs and bail bondsmen. Hand-made in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting, flameless experience that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. These wax melts are the perfect way to enjoy your favorite criminal fragrance without a flame! The details 100% American-grown soy wax Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Each wax melt cube provides 5-10 hours of fragrance, depending on the type of wax warmer used. Wax warmer required.
$5.00
-
Espionage 6pc Wax Melt
Notes: Rose, Magnolia, Bergamot, Jasmine, Mahogany, Bamboo Suspect Description: Suspect can neither confirm nor deny being present at the scene, owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, or having a name. Officers noted when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well. For anyone who loves a fresh rose and jasmine floral, and a gift for federal agents, intelligence analysts, national security lawyers and spy-novel fans. Hand-made in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting, flameless experience that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. These wax melts are the perfect way to enjoy your favorite criminal fragrance without a flame! The details 100% American-grown soy wax Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Each wax melt cube provides 5-10 hours of fragrance, depending on the type of wax warmer used. Wax warmer required.
$5.00
-
Trespassing Soap Bar
Notes: Cypress, Lemon Peel, Evergreen, Cedar, Fir, Moss, Amber Suspect Description: Suspect was found building a treehouse on land he does not own, in a tree he does not own, with lumber he would prefer not to discuss. For anyone who loves the smell of an evergreen forest, and a gift for property lawyers and hikers. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural oatmeal and restorative shea butter, this soap invites you to indulge in a little mischief. Contains suspended oatmeal that exfoliates the skin plus the skin-loving properties of shea butter. Soap base ingredient list and safety data sheet (PDF): Stephenson Crystal Natural White soap base
$6.00
-
Trespassing 6pc Wax Melt
Notes: Cypress, Lemon Peel, Evergreen, Cedar, Fir, Moss, Amber Suspect Description: Suspect was found building a treehouse on land he does not own, in a tree he does not own, with lumber he would prefer not to discuss. For anyone who loves the smell of an evergreen forest, and a gift for property lawyers and hikers. Hand-made in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, for a clean, long-lasting, flameless experience that invites you to indulge in a little mischief. These wax melts are the perfect way to enjoy your favorite criminal fragrance without a flame! The details 100% American-grown soy wax Premium fragrance oils. Vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free. Each wax melt cube provides 5-10 hours of fragrance, depending on the type of wax warmer used. Wax warmer required.
$5.00
-
Espionage Aloe & Shea Lotion
Notes: Rose, Magnolia, Bergamot, Jasmine, Mahogany, Bamboo Suspect Description: Suspect can neither confirm nor deny being present at the scene, owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, or having a name. Officers noted when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well. For anyone who loves a fresh rose and jasmine floral, and a gift for federal agents, intelligence analysts, national security lawyers and spy-novel fans. Our lotions include a blend of natural oils, butters, and vitamins like Safflower Oil, Shea Butter, Vitamins A, C, and E. Treat your skin to this indulgent lotion designed to replenish, moisturize and restore.
$12.00
-
Espionage Room and Fabric Spray
Notes: Rose, Magnolia, Bergamot, Jasmine, Mahogany, Bamboo Suspect Description: Suspect can neither confirm nor deny being present at the scene, owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, or having a name. Officers noted when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well. For anyone who loves a fresh rose and jasmine floral, and a gift for federal agents, intelligence analysts, national security lawyers and spy-novel fans. Hand-poured in small batches from a blend of natural, biodegradable ingredients, this room and fabric spray invites you to freshen up your space, linens, upholstery and clothing and indulge in a little mischief. Spot-test delicate fabrics first.
$8.00 - $14.00