True Crime Gifts for the Friend Who Always Has a Theory
, by Presumed Innoscent, 3 min reading time
You know the friend. They have a theory about every case, they've said "it's always the husband" at dinner, and their podcast queue is longer than most reading lists. Here's what to get them.
Every Presumed Innoscent scent is named for a criminal charge and comes with its own suspect description, written like a police blotter with a sense of humor. They're hand-poured in small batches in Falls Church, Virginia, with 100% American-grown soy wax and a cotton wick. Light one, press play.
Pick the charge that fits their favorite kind of case
- The serial killer deep-diver: Serial Killing. It smells like Fruit Loops, which is the joke. Neighbors describe the suspect as quiet, "except for the late-night sound of power tools and classical music."
- "It's always the spouse": Adultery. Jasmine, amber, patchouli and vanilla, with a suspect "caught creeping home at dawn with lipstick on his collar."
- Fraud, scams and con artists: Money Laundering (fresh linen and clean cotton) or Embezzlement (mango, pineapple and citrus), whose suspect was apprehended on a tropical beach vacation.
- Heists and smuggling rings: Smuggling. Sandalwood, citrus, spice, tobacco and cedar. The suspect insisted he was "just the delivery guy."
- Spies and Cold War thrillers: Espionage. Rose, magnolia, jasmine and mahogany. The suspect "can neither confirm nor deny" owning the briefcase handcuffed to their wrist, and when asked to remove their glasses, their nose and mustache came off as well.
- Coups and history: Treason. Blood orange, grapefruit and mandarin. The suspect "was surprised to learn that attempting to overthrow the government is an act of Treason."
- Unsolved fires: Arson. Bonfire embers, smoke and maple, and a suspect who claimed he was conducting "combustion research."
- Witch trials and the spooky side: Witchcraft. Apple, fir, juniper, cedar, moss and iced gingersnap. Officers found the suspect "muttering unintelligible phrases over a cauldron."
- Bootlegs and high-seas crime: Piracy. Sea salt, eucalyptus and sandalwood, and a suspect apprehended aboard "The Reel Booty."
Want to see everything? Browse the full True Crime Gifts collection.
Small gifts and add-ons
The 3 oz candle is $8 and the six-piece wax melts are $5, so it's easy to build a gift out of two or three different charges. Mugshot Matchbooks are $1 each, with a criminal mugshot on one side and a witty line on the other. For more small ideas, see stocking stuffers under $15.
Not a candle person?
Every scent also comes as wax melts for a warmer and as a room spray, and many come as soap and lotion.
Quick answers
What are the candles made of? 100% American-grown soy wax, a cotton wick and premium fragrance oils. They're vegan, phthalate-free and paraben-free.
How long do they burn? About 18 hours for the 3 oz, 40 hours for the 6.5 oz and 70 hours for the 11 oz. That's a lot of episodes.
Are these based on real cases? No. Every suspect is fictional and played for laughs. There are no real cases and no real victims on our labels.
Do they actually smell good? Yes. The names are the joke; the scents are things like lavender, citrus, mulled cider and fresh linen.
Do you have gifts for lawyers and police officers too? Yes. See gifts for lawyers and gifts for law enforcement.
Tags
More Case Files
-
, by Presumed Innoscent Case Closed: Thank You, City of Falls Church
Case Closed: Thank You, City of Falls Church -
, by Presumed Innoscent Case Closed: Del Ray Vintage & Flea, October 10
Case Closed: Del Ray Vintage & Flea, October 10 -
, by Presumed Innoscent True Crime Gifts for the Friend Who Always Has a Theory
True Crime Gifts for the Friend Who Always Has a Theory
